Marriage Unleashed:
How Love Serves in Marriage: Following Christ’s Example
Marriage is one of the most profound relationships God created, meant to reflect His love and faithfulness to His people. However, the beauty of marriage can often be overshadowed by unmet expectations and self-focused desires. When we view marriage through the lens of “What can my spouse do for me?” we set ourselves up for feelings of disappointment, resentment, and even bitterness. But when we shift our perspective to ask, “How can I serve my spouse?” we begin to experience a joy that mirrors Christ’s love for us.
Jesus: The Ultimate Servant
In Matthew 20:28, Jesus said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” This foundational truth about Christ’s mission on earth is a model for how we are called to live in every relationship—especially marriage. Jesus humbled Himself, washing the feet of His disciples, including Judas, who would betray Him.
Marriage is, at its core, a covenant between two sinners saved by grace. It’s not about perfection but about grace, love, and service. Imagine the transformation in your marriage if both spouses committed to “washing each other’s feet,” figuratively speaking, as Jesus did (John 13:14-15).
The Danger of Unrealistic Expectations
It’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring your spouse against a list of expectations. You might think, “If they loved me, they’d do this,” or “Why don’t they see what I need?” But this mindset can quickly lead to frustration when your spouse inevitably falls short.
James 4:1-2 warns us about the dangers of selfish desires, saying:
“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”
When we demand that our spouse meets our every need, we place a burden on them they were never designed to carry. Only God can truly fulfill the deepest longings of our hearts.
The Joy of Serving
In contrast, when we shift our mindset to serving our spouse, we unlock the potential for deeper intimacy and joy. Philippians 2:3-4 encourages us:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.”
Serving your spouse doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs but placing their well-being and happiness above your own. It means asking:
How can I make their day easier?
What can I do to support their dreams?
How can I reflect Christ’s love to them today?
This mindset not only blesses your spouse but also fosters a deeper connection, as love and humility draw people closer together.
Marriage as a Picture of the Gospel
Paul compares marriage to Christ’s relationship with the church in Ephesians 5:25-27:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.”
Christ’s sacrificial love sets the standard for how we are to love and serve one another in marriage. As we daily choose to love, forgive, and serve, we paint a picture of the Gospel—God’s redeeming love for sinners.
Practical Ways to Serve Your Spouse
Pray for Them Daily – Ask God to bless your spouse and give them strength for the day.
Listen Attentively – Show interest in their thoughts, struggles, and joys.
Take Initiative – Look for ways to serve without being asked. Cook their favorite meal, take on a chore they dislike, or plan a date night.
Forgive Quickly – Let go of grudges, remembering that Christ has forgiven you.
Speak Life – Use words to encourage and uplift, not criticize or tear down.
True Happiness Through Service
When both spouses embrace a mindset of servanthood, marriage becomes a beautiful dance of mutual love and sacrifice. Instead of focusing on what you lack, you begin to overflow with gratitude for the privilege of serving someone you love.
Remember, marriage is two sinners washing each other’s feet—sometimes clumsily, sometimes imperfectly—but always in a spirit of love and grace. In this, we follow the example of Jesus, who gave Himself for us so that we might know true joy and peace.
Reflection Questions:
What expectations have you placed on your spouse that might be unfair or unrealistic?
How can you serve your spouse today in a way that reflects Christ’s love?
In what areas of your marriage can you grow in humility and grace?
Let’s commit to following Christ’s example of selfless love and service in our marriages. When we do, we not only bless our spouse but also glorify God, showing the world what His love looks like in action.
